Phobia
by gilithramaloce
Summary: Sasuke's phobia leads to some...problems for Naruto. Rated T for slight swearing and shounen-ai references. It LIVES! :O
1. Whaaat!

**Author's Notes: **I've wanted to use this phobia idea for a while and finally found the time and motive to do it. A heartfelt thanks goes to my sister, anandacatastrophe for the setting idea. My original one didn't turn out so well XD.

**Warnings: **Slight swearing and shounen-ai. Don't like, don't read.

**Disclamer: **Naruto is not mine, sadly.

Naruto growled under his breath as he stalked down the street, pedestrians clearing out his way. He didn't see them however for he was too wrapped up in his thoughts. Sasuke had left him high and dry for over three weeks now and if he didn't get some action soon he was going to explode. His dick was getting accustomed to his hand again and that was not. A. Good. Thing. Neither was the chaffing, which was just one more thing to blame Sasuke for. Naruto had plans for Sasuke, big plans, and he was going to enjoy every minute of it even if Sasuke didn't.

He slammed open the front door to their shared apartment and shouted for his lover. Hearing no reply he searched the small rooms until he finally found Sasuke napping in the bedroom. Naruto gave an evil smirk.

_This might be easier than I thought_. He stripped off his clothes and crawled onto the bed, making sure not to jostle the sleeping figure. When he was finally situated on all fours over the prone body he nipped Sasuke's earlobe gently.

"It's time to play hide the pickle," Naruto whispered seductively. Sasuke woke with a yelp and bashed their heads together. As Naruto held his aching head Sasuke used that moment to escape out the doorway into the living room.

"TEME!! GET BACK HERE! I WANT HOT MAN SEX AND I WANT IT _NOW_!"

"NO!" Naruto heard as he walked into the living room.

"Why the hell not!! It's been three weeks since we've last had sex and I demand to know why!" All he got in reply was a mumble from the figure slouched on the couch.

"What was that, Teme, I didn't quite hear you."

"…ickels."

"What?"

"I said it was because you called your…thing…a pickle," Sasuke muttered. Naruto started at him in horrified amusement.

"Are you serious?! You've left me alone with my hand for three weeks just because I called my dick a pickle?!" Sasuke gave a slight nod.

"WHAT THE HELL! WHY DOES IT MATTER?!"

"Imafraidofpickles."

"Huh?"

"I'm afraid of pickles." There was a moment of dead silence before Naruto burst into hysterical laughter.

"Yo—you, you're afraid of…pickles!!" He gasped for breath.

Sasuke turned his head to look at Naruto and stared for a minute, contemplating his next action before releasing a kick to Naruto's head that made him fall onto the floor. Naruto just kept on laughing. Standing up with a huff, Sasuke started towards the bedroom when Naruto managed to calm himself down enough to talk.

"Sorry, sorry. I promise no more pickle references. It's just this whole no sex thing has left me in quite the pickle. I've passed the blue balls stage and started into green—"

The slamming of the bedroom door had him laughing hysterically once more.


	2. Revenge

**Pairing:** Sasuke/Naruto  
**Author's note:** I know I said this was done, but I was inspired. To those who wished for part two, here it is! Hope it fulfills all your crack desires.  
**Warnings: **Slight swearing and shounen-ai. Don't like, don't read. Oh, and mostly OOC.  
**Disclamer: **Naruto is not mine, sadly.

* * *

_Revenge_

"Hey, Sasuke. What's the reason why you don't like Fuzzybrows and Gai? Is it because they're...green? And curved?" Naruto waggled his eyebrows.

"I hate you."

"Oh come on, you know you love me."

"Tch. Whatever delusion gets you through the evening, Dobe." Naruto just kept smirking though as the two men made their way back to Konoha. Sasuke was near the breaking point. If that _ass_ of monkey that dared to call himself the great Uchia's boyfriend made one more joke about anything green or pickled, he was going to fireball his ass so hard he'd shoot him to the moon and over the other side. Ever since the mortifying evening two weeks ago Sasuke had been subject to scrutiny on everything, even trees for fucks sake. Thanks to Naruto he could no longer eat lime popsicles, the only sweet he—had—indulged in.

Stalking through the forest, Sasuke did his best to distance himself from the annoyance in orange. He was doing fairly well until he heard a shrill screech behind him. For one irrational moment he though somehow Sakura had snuck up behind them but instantly dismissed the idea. Sakura would never scream so _girly_. Which left...

"Hey, Dobe, you scream like a gi—" Sasuke was left speechless. Naruto was cowering on the ground, whimpers audible in the sudden silence the forest afforded him, his wide blue eyes focused on the white fluffy rabbit that was standing in the middle of the path. Sasuke goggled for a moment before spinning around to face the other direction. Glee was rising in a wave and he was barely able to contain the hysterical laughter bubbling in his throat. And then thought, what the hell, and let it out, long and loud. He laughed until he was bent in double, tears threatening to leak. One look at Naruto's affronted face started him off again.

"Big bad Naruto...scared of...a cute fluffy _bunny_!"

"It's not funny, teme! Those things are dangerous! Have you seen their teeth? And their eyes are _red_. Do you know how unnatural that is?!" That merely set Sasuke off once more which quickly turned to cackling as a brilliant plan began to formulate. Payback would be oh so fun.

**eeHeeHeeHeeHee**

Sasuke couldn't wait. It was simply perfect, the ultimate humiliation, and if his pride suffered a little it was oh so worth it. There was a party planned for the evening, a gathering of the old 11 and their teachers. Mainly to celebrate the Dobe's birthday. The party was in full swing and Sasuke made sure to show up a good thirty minutes late. He wanted a dramatic entrance like none other.

He paused outside the door, listening to the talk and laughter pouring through the open windows. His pride made one last attempt to convince him out of his plan but revenge was too close at hand. Taking a fortifying breath, Sasuke activated his Sharingan and the genjutsu, and threw open the door. Startled glances from partiers turned into shock, mouths dropping open, nearly making Sasuke laugh. He kept his strides purposeful, heading towards the birthday boy. As usual, Naruto was too caught up in his conversation to notice that the room had gone deathly silent. He paused when he noticed Kiba's horrified stare and feeling Sasuke's chakra turned around.

"TEME, you're la—AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Sasuke nearly lost control of his facial control. Naruto had jumped and was now clinging onto Kiba's back while trying to scrambling away at the same time. He was also still babbling nonsense to the room at large.

"Youfluffyteethhelpgodnoooooooo."

Sasuke could have purred, but all he said was, "Haffy birfhday, Narufo."

Naruto screamed loudly once more before running towards the door. Sasuke grinned and the rest of the room shuddered and took a step back. He was sure that his normal evil smile was rather heightened by the addition of the buck teeth. Taking off after his prey he called, "Oi, Narufo! Donf you wanf your presenf?" The accompanying sob was music to his ears as he set chase.

Who knew the fluffy, white rabbit outfit would work so well?


End file.
